Student Senate Less Popular Than Actual Senate, Zika Virus
March 31, 2016
Filed under Special Edition
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Disclaimer: This article was part of our April 2016 satirical issue.
In a recent poll conducted on campus, Dickinson College Student Senate currently has a 2 percent approval rating, with votes including members of Student Senate.
In answer to the question, “Name one person on Student Senate,” only 3 percent of students were able to come up with an accurate response.
In response to this poor showing, Student Senate decided to change several rules for arbitrary reasons, just to gain the attention of the student populace.
Student Senate spokesman Don Glicker ’18 claimed, “Obviously the Student Senate really has no power, except to occasionally annoy you and fill your e-mail inbox with spam. We decided to choose both options.” Glicker went on to say that some people think that being on the Student Senate is not worth it, but that “ticking off the entire student populace proves that it most certainly is.”
Political Science professor Edward Richard claims that the Dickinson Student Senate is an incredible anomaly in political structures.
“They have absolutely no power to do anything of substance and yet they think that they are the next Franklin D. Roosevelt giving Dickinson students a New Deal,” Richard said, “I have only seen this kind of delusion in dictators like Saddam Hussein and Kim Jong-Il.”