*SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THE BACHELOR, SEASON 23, EPISODE 9* 

This is the craziest season of The Bachelor yet, and no episode was crazier than last night’s. From Tayshia’s picturesque date to Colton professing his love all through the much-anticipated leap over the fence, we stayed screaming on our sofa for two hours and then needed a(nother) glass of wine. The end of the episode left us hurting for Colton, enraged at Cassie and looking forward to next week as if we don’t have our theses staring us in the face. 

Let’s break down the last three relationships. 

Tayshia’s one-on-one dates with Colton involved one bungee jump and one skydive. According to our roommate’s textbook on human sexualities, when people engage in high-adrenaline activities they experience “psychological arousal” which can lead to displaced attraction, meaning that they displace their adrenaline onto people nearby. Tayshia and Colton had a good physical connection and seemed close, but in the morning, it didn’t look very comfortable. We also found out they don’t like ANY of the same breakfast foods. He put intense pressure on the few hours to decide about the rest of his life, which … obviously didn’t work.

Next, we have Hannah G. Colton kissed her on the first night and ended up giving her the first impression rose. Since then, we have seen them together on several group dates and one-on-ones. They’re cute and affectionate and you can see that their attraction is there. Unfortunately, even though we were pumped to see their fantasy suite situation, the drama with Cassie got too intense and it looks like we will have to wait and see what happens next week in the finale. 

Finally, we have Cassie. Colton decided he felt in love enough to have sex, and he said, “Cassie is the one. I’m in love with Cassie.” Finally, he seemed genuine instead of repeating lines the producers told him would be effective. We found out he is a bad dancer but we loved it anyway. And then (after Cassie’s dad showed up in Portugal to give her absolutely horrible advice about relationships) Cassie left and broke Colton’s heart. We’ve seen break-up scenes in movies that were sad, but not like this. Cassie, honestly, has heinously unrealistic expectations about relationships: doubts and fears are normal. Love is a leap of faith, etc. We can only hope Cassie will grow from this.

We can only hope that next week’s finale is even crazier, especially since it will be over break and we can avoid homework while we watch it.