Drayer residents have been drowning in the bathrooms, but not by water. Over the past month, hair mounds have been appearing more and more often in the showers, lurking down by the drain and almost begging to stick to shower shoes and skin.

The distress is visible. “I have no words,” a Drayer resident, who wishes to stay anonymous, told us. “Everyone here seems respectable … I have no idea who could be doing this.” It is a fact that Drayer residents are of the highest maturity and standard and would never consider leaving their hair in the shower.

This out-of-character behavior has been speculated upon by many, and some students believe they have an answer. “I’ve been seeing little footprints in the bathroom,” Chip Peterson ’28, reported. “They’re itty-bitty, like grains of rice — but they’re footprints.” Another resident, Tobie Combs ’28, pointed out the hair trails left on the floor. All these factors logically lead to one explanation: the Hair Fairy. 

For readers who are blissfully unaware, the Hair Fairy operates under a large corporation of other down-and-out fairies like herself, visiting residences for long periods of a time and collecting hair.

It seems as though that the Drayer Hair Fairy has taken refuge in the bathrooms, where she sorts her collected hair and chooses the best pieces to keep. Disposing of hair in shower drains is characteristic of all Hair Fairies, and the amount can be attributed to the large number of students within Drayer Hall. This also accounts for the mixed colors and types harboring in the grate; a collection of this size must cover many different heads.

The accounts of the mystical Hair Fairies are few and far between, but report the same observations: a small figure, usually with great hair herself, donning a large train made up of the most beautiful, shiny hair, who both walks and flies, leaving a trail of hair behind her.

Hair Fairies are also often clueless, and do not think to clean up after themselves. Unfortunately, there have been no confirmed sightings of the Drayer Hair Fairy, but we have included a illustration of what she may look like. Any sightings should be reported to your RA’s. Hair Fairies usually do not stay for too long, but they have been known to sometimes hold residence for up to a year. For those upset at her stay, hold out hope that this issue will be solved sooner rather than later, and that we will be free from the reigns of the Hair Fairy once more!