December 3, 1936
Joann, the extraordinary College goat, is dead. After being soundly rapped on the head and its throat cut, it expired.
Its death warrant was signed Sunday night when the Dean came into the biology lab with a message from the Carlisle Police. “I have just learned,” he said, “that Joann the College goat, is on South West street frightening women and upsetting children.” He further commented that his interest in goats was small, his knowledge of handling them still smaller and just what could one do to have the ever vigilant policemen quieted?
Two local parasite chasers, working in the lab at the time of the Dean’s appearance, volunteered services and the trio sought Joann. The Dean showed no external evidence of his emotional reaction to his first goat hunting expedition; however, his hat, cane, flashlight and pipe caused a Sherlock Holmes mood to steal over him.
Joann Quieted
The strayed creature was found in Mrs. Briggs yard eating frosted grass with as much zest as Mrs. Briggs boarders when they consume her French fries. Joann, not pleased to be interrupted while on a tear, was finally brought under control at the south rear door of the Allison Memorial Church and lead to a bed in the basement of Denny Hall.
Arriving bright and early the next morning Dr. Herber, Faculty Biologist, was perturbed to learn of the goat capers. Dr. Eddy, Faculty Biologist, was wired: a hurried faculty student conference was then called to weight the Joann vs. Dickinson case. Dr. Herber, looking twice at the defendant’s flanks, recommended the death penalty. Miles Garber, Jr., asked clemency. A vote was taken; the result was 4-4. Dr. Eddy appeared and made the count 5-4 in the direction of Joann’s hide becoming a mat for his trailer.
Edward’s Attending Physician
After the execution routine was gone through Walter Edward’s, attending physician, pronounced the victim dead and took first steps toward a post mortem. Many parts of what made Joann “tick” are now preserved in formaldehyde. It has been rumored that Miss Ann Shuck, parasite chaser, has made some permanent slides of the goat’s blood.
When compared to the life of an ordinary goat Joann’s was exceedingly eventful. The creature had visited practically every College building. Wertz’s, the Chocolate Shop, Chapel and the Diner. Joann once viewed the College Museum and after devouring a pamphlet entitled “Dickinson and Oxygen,” seemed visibly impressed by the Priestley instruments displayed there. The students liked Joann as is evidenced by the fact that several wits placed the flag at half mast when it died.
