The end of the beloved TV show MASH saddened millions of Americans. Andy Brotmann jokingly reports how Dickinsonians handled this change in an article printed March 10, 1983.
Monday, February 28th, marked the end of a saga and the closing of a chapter in history that mankind will not forget for quite some time. The legendary show MASH came to a dramatic end. With tearful eyes, we watched the crew bid their farewells as the set was struck for the last time.
We all know what is to become of the beloved 4077th. Hawkeye will return to Crabapple Cove and never get to see his buddy BJ again. Sherm goes back to Mildred to fix the tub. Klinger stays in Korea…we all know the rest.
But what about the viewers? How are they coping without the show with which they’ve grown up since grade school?
Well, for most students, the transition has not been easy. Several students have been sitting in front of the TV since last Monday with hopes that the 4077th will reunite once more. Other students have sacrificed next semester’s tuition in order to buy video recorders. A rumor is being circulated that the school store will soon rent out MASH video cartridges and carry a full line of MASH products at discount prices.
There are, however, more severe withdrawal cases around the College. In lounges across the campus, students clad in green fatigues and waving MASH penants gathered together this past Monday night only to stare at a blank TV screen.
The networks have been very helpful in soothing the wounds of the MASHaholic by airing reruns of the show– for up to 16 hours a day in some places.
One student, Gary Wilmington, has taken to wearing dresses. He claims he won’t go back to wearing normal clothes until the show is back on the air. When I interviewed him, he was wearing a provocative pink and grey Halston with shoulder straps and a low cut back.
Speaking to Mr. Abe Trainer proved to be very difficult. Trainer, who idolizes Hawkeye, has set up a still in his home. He is drinking constantly and claimed that “If old Hawk can do it, so can I.” At this point in the interview, Mr. Trainer slipped into a stupor and fell onto his cot.
One student, Margaret Miles, expressed her plans to transfer from Dickinson in order to enroll at the South Korean Undergraduate Bachelor of Arts Program (SKUBA). “I was born in Toledo,” she stated,” and I know how much he (Maxwell) must miss home. So I’m going to bring him 1200 Tony Pacos Hungarian hot dogs.”
When I interviewed Stewart Yam Filmore, I encountered an entirely different form of withdrawal. When I asked how he was coping with the crisis, he replied, “Well, it’s like Hawkeye once said, ‘You got to be crazy to stay sane.’” I then asked Stewart what he has been doing to alleviate the tensions caused by the MASH deficiency and he replied, “Do you remember that BJ once said, ‘I’d give it all up but I have one little life line tying me to Mill Valley’?” Next, I asked Stewart if he thought MASH will ever return to the screen. “You know, Hawkeye never found out BJ’s real name..,” he replied.
What will be the next chapter? How will these students get over their pain? Only time will tell. But in the meantime, the College is starting a MASH Withdrawal Hotline. Any student that feels the need to talk out his problems is encouraged to call this tollfree number: 1-800-245-MASH. The first one hundred callers will receive the incredible Japanese Ginsu Knife. It slices, dices, chops…