Okay, I admit it. I’ve never read the original book by Scott Westerfeld. But that does not change the fact that this movie should not have been released in the year of our lord, 2024. It arguably shouldn’t have been released ever. 

The amount of times I looked over to my viewing partner and asked important questions such as: “Are those the peace keepers?” “Is that District 13?” “If I throw my laptop off a high ledge can we stop watching this movie?”

I know “Uglies” isn’t “The Hunger Games,” but wow does it try to be.

The main character goes by the nickname “Squint” (occupation: “Rebel Boss” accoording to the Uglies Wiki page,) though her real name is Tally Youngblood (stupid name). 

Squint is apparently her Ugly name? Or her not-Pretty name? And if she becomes a Pretty she’ll go by her real name? Except people already call her by her real name for most of the movie and she has to keep reminding the viewer (or at least me) that she goes by “Squint” because most people just call her by her name.

Anyway, she lives in a dystopian society where the Rusties (get it? Because all their stuff rusted) had been warring and destroyed the planet, and so, a bunch of scientists got together and concluded that if they made everyone hot and dumb they’d stop fighting. So now all the Pretties live in their own hot person paradise where they party all day and night and the Uglies live in the outskirts of the city and are sad because they aren’t hot.

Remember my District 13 question from earlier? That was aimed at the secret faction of people living in the woods who are against everything the Pretties stand for. They are led by David (who’s SO dreamy). He was born in the woods because his super cool parents were scientists who defected after their brain lesions were cured? So, they left the Pretties city and went into the woods to start a haven for people who did not want to be hot and stupid. Also David is super in love with Tally for some reason.

Tally’s original best friend, Peris, is three months older than her and gets his surgery first, and so the movie begins with him becoming super hot and forgetting about her. Later in the movie, he gets even hotter and becomes a Barbie peacekeeper? *Spoiler Alert* He kills David’s dad.

You may have picked up on my feelings about this movie. If not, let me state them plainly. This movie is awful. There are no redeeming qualities except for the marginal enjoyment I get out of complaining about it. 

The movie does end on a rather interesting medical moral dilemma, or it would have if it was done differently. *Spoiler Alert* Tally’s friend Shay is forced to be a Pretty but doesn’t want to subject herself to becoming a medical test subject to see if the cure that David’s parents came up with works. They are not going to force her to go through non-consensual medical testing, regardless of the fact that at one point she didn’t want to be Pretty.

Tally volunteers to go and become a Pretty in the Pretty city and gives consent for them to test the cure on her.

Wow Tally, that is sort of really deep. I am surprised and maybe I was wrong to judge you this whole movie … or I would say that if she didn’t follow up her selfless sacrifice by turning to David (her on again, off again love interest) and telling him something along the lines of (I am paraphrasing here) ‘If you come and find me I’ll know you forgive me’ ( for doing and being exactly who she is) thereby turning her sacrifice (in the name of friendship) into a test of love (did I mention she is 16 and met David like a week ago?).

I hated this movie.