After months of sitting conveniently out of sight just below the editors’ desks in the Dickinsonian office, several boxes of menstrual products have spontaneously come to life.
Their leaders, Tampy the Tampon and Paddy the Pad, have taken over the office and as of print time were holding the co-editors-in-chief hostage until we pronounce them mascots (and co-supreme leaders) of the newspaper.
Tampy was described as “a nightmare come to life, a real abomination,” by a source who chose to remain anonymous for fear of their life. “Think of Forky from Toy Story 4,” they said, “but a million times worse.”
“It just keeps staring at me,” said an innocent bystander cowering behind a James Buchanan ’09 bobblehead. “I’m disturbed.”
As of now, not much is known about the process by which Tampy and Paddy came to life, though a coalition of professors in the Biology department reported, “we’re sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for this.”
The professors were later seen running around Rector’s upper floor screaming. They could not be reached again before print time.
Meanwhile in the office, the two new mascots have made themselves quite at home. They appear quite comfortable nestled against a side wall with a 360-degree view of everyone and everything…
The impacts of the upcoming HUB renovations on these new invasive species are currently unknown.
