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I, Frankenstein

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This movie is terrible.  Absolutely terrible.  The dialogue is terrible, the characters barely developed, the action is somewhere in between a low-budget television show and a movie with good action, and I had a blast.  This movie is the perfect storm of so bad it’s funny.

I, Frankenstein picks up where the classic novel left off, with Adam “Sexy” Frankenstein (Aaron Eckhart) burying the corpse of his dead master.  He is then attacked by demons because reasons.  Following the attacks Frankie boy gets dragged into an eternal war between the Demons, led by a Prince of Hell (Bill Nighy) and the Gargoyles, who work for Eowyn from Lord of the Rings (Miranda Otto). Now I’m sure you have lots of questions, and all of them can be answered as such, “Frankenstein is fighting demons with metal batons and Gargoyles that turn into Game of Thrones extras.  Stop thinking.”  The “plot” is boiled down to the following: Demons want an army of Frankenstein monsters and the Gargoyles want to kill Frankie because he broods too much.  Cue succession of vaguely entertaining, ludicrous fights scenes and halfhearted romance with Hannah from Chuck (Yvonne Strahovisky)

This movie was written by a twelve year old who shops at Hot Topic and still thinks Linkin Park is the best band in the world.  The story jumps from scene to scene without reason, and character motivation is non-existent.  Frankie is an angst machine who talks about how hideous and monstrous he is (spoilers he really looks like Aaron Eckhart with penned on scars). It’s all just fluff for the action sequences though, which are actually kind of fun.  Everyone in this movie explodes when they die – the stronger you are the bigger the explosion.  Demons explode orange and red, gargoyles blue and white.  This makes the various battles between the two factions visually interesting, and the gargoyles flight is used well in combat.  The two large battle sequences of the movie are the highlight, as the clash of explosions make for a legitimately visually interesting sight. Frankie’s fights with the main baddies, while not particularly enjoyable or well shot, are at least competent and can hold your attention.  The movie might also have the single silliest ending monologue I’ve ever heard. They manage to incorporate the title into it, in a scene that had me burst out laughing in the theater at how cheesy it was.

Don’t pay money for this movie, it’s a mess.  An enjoyable mess, but not enjoyable enough to warrant the entry price. The action sequences are not enough to make up for a poor story, character and self-serious atmosphere.  Still, when it’s on Netflix in a month or two I’d load it up for a good laugh.

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