Using the Adam’s Basement kitchen as the stage, Performer and Writer Emma Howard drew connections between queer sexuality, media image and eating disorders in her performance I’m Smiling Because I’m Uncomfortable, a play sponsored by the Clarke Forum.

The performance was based on Howard’s real experiences. The show followed a semi-chronological outline, beginning in Howard’s teenage years and progressing through high school, college, and her current relationship with food.

The play also included other aspects of Howard’s experience, including queer sexuality, media image, sexual assault and the connections between these and her eating disorder. Howard combined these concepts throughout her play, at one point mocking food advertisements that sexualize women. Howard incorporated the kitchen into her act as well, cooking and chopping vegetables as she told her story.

Howard’s show was a site-specific performance, a trend in which a piece is created for an environment other than the typical stage. All performances of I’m Smiling Because I’m Uncomfortable have taken place in kitchens, some in people’s houses. According to Howard, she was inspired by past works to adopt the site-specific style to this production.

“[My co-director] Sean [Pollock] and I were both working on a site-specific show called Broken Bone Bathtub that took place around bathtubs in New York City…it changed my perspective of what theater could be,” she said, in a question-and-answer session following the show. Pollock, who was present in person for the performance at Dickinson, went one step further, calling the piece “site-responsive.”

“We’re using a kitchen to respond to larger issues of binge eating and eating disorders,” Pollock said.

“I originally thought that the acting would be over exaggerated, but she seemed to convey all of the issues that she faced in a very believable and relatable manner,” said Gita Elangbam ’21.

“It made me reflect on my own relationship with food, especially within my first semester of college,” said Nell Alexander ’21. “Her ability to explain her fears in the context of her parents’ point of view really helped me to understand why she kept her trauma a secret.”

The performance was held on Friday Feb. 16 as part of Dickinson’s Love Your Body Week.