If you ask me if I believe in God, I will tell you yes. That being said, I am not sure that I entirely understand the question. For myself, I do not know if I will ever fully understand God or what “God” even signifies and I certainly accept that he may not literally exist. For me, it is not a question of existence.  I have known God through my relationships with other people.

My grandfather first taught me about God, even if it was not in the way that he had intended. As a child, I went to church with Pop Pop, not really understanding the smiling man in heaven or the man dripping blood hanging painfully above the altar. I was more comfortable when I snuggled close on the porch, as Pop Pop told me stories of the beautiful woman he loved. He spoke with awe, wondering what he had ever done to deserve a woman, an adored teacher, with the most selfless heart and a quick wit. I only know my grandmother through Pop Pop’s animated stories of her life. He still desperately tries to pass on the admiration that he feels toward her, even though he can never fully express it. Somewhere in his gratitude is God.

Yes, I’ve known God through many people. My mother went to church and my father was bitter about religion, but both taught me about God. It was when my exhausted mother read the little stories I wrote and hung my work around the house. It was when my father found the best in even the most shattered people. It was chattering with my siblings as we adventured our way to the best swimming hole in the woods. It is in every friend who has made me laugh when I needed it and in those couple of beautiful times when I have been in love.

If you ask me if I have ever been in love, I will tell you yes, but I am not sure I entirely understand that question either. I cannot prove it, I cannot quantify it, and I certainly would not ask any philosopher or politician to argue it out for me. Love is one of the most personal and real things I have ever known. I have come to believe in God the same way that I believe in love. Not because I understand it, but because I feel it. This I believe.