Where are you from? What do you speak in your country?

The answer is easy: I’m from a little outside of Los Angeles, California in a valley called San Fernando. The United States has no official language, but English is primarily spoken throughout the country.

No, where are you really from?

I grew up primarily around people of color. I was raised in a Filipino household and most of my friends were Filipino or had Filipino parentage. I made jokes in Tagalog on a regular basis and lived two blocks away from a Seafood City and a Vallarta. I was used to my teachers calling me mija and I would come home to adobo at kanin. I’m very proud to be Pinay, and I’m very proud to have come from such a diverse community. But it irks me when people ask me questions I don’t know how to answer, like:

Where are you really from? Answer: California.

What do you speak? Um, English?

Are you really Asian? You don’t look Asian. South-East Asia is still a part of Asia. Asians are not a homogenized group.

And then there’s the worst:

You don’t act like you’re Filipino. So are you stereotyping me then?

There’s a term that’s used to describe everyday behavior or communication that is derogatory or degrading toward people of color: racial microaggression. There are things that people say that aren’t normally considered racist, like asking where someone is from or what language they speak.

But when you’re a person of color that not only gets asked these questions on a regular basis but also notices when people give you looks for speaking your native tongues and think you’re talking about them, it feels like a larger transgression.

I dream of being able to bear my brown skin and dark hair and being able to speak Tagalog in public without having somebody asking me what I am or where I’m from. I dream of being able to tell people what my ethnicity is without being invalidated for not fitting into a stereotype.

But getting rid of these societal microaggressions will take more than just dreaming. Next time you want to ask somebody, “Where are you from?” ask yourself, “Is that really my business?” More often than not, it isn’t.