President Ensign Emails School About Spring 2021, Fails to Get to the Point

Biden ForTime ‘23, Chief Mega Executive Editor

In a Nov. 2 email to students and faculty with the subject “Plans for Spring 2021,” President Margee Ensign described the college’s thought process so thoroughly that she failed to actually inform the college of the plan for the upcoming spring.

“Honestly, it was kinda disappointing,” said Larry McZoom ‘24, a first-year who has not even indulged himself in a virtual campus tour yet.

Ensign began the email by going into extreme depth about each of the committees to form committees to determine the determinants of the spring semester. She then went on to describe the educational background, career paths, and favorite foods of each member of the eventually-decided committee. By the end of the ten-paragraph email, however, Ensign had failed to announce the actual plan.

“I’m so excited for the Dickinson community,” said Deidre Turnip, a senior who did not read the full email but who has been manifesting her return to campus for one last semester since July. “We’ve all been looking forward to one last (socially-distanced, hand-sanitized) hurrah before we launch into a failing economy.”

Nigel Weatherman, Chief Delegate of Delegating Students and Dean of Supervising Regulatory Operations, quickly noticed the faux-paux and informed Ensign immediately. “Our b,” said Weatherman, “We literally just need like, five more minutes to put the finishing touches on this plan that will disappoint a lot of people regardless of what we decide :)”

The college will inform the community of its final final decision, like, soon-ish.