Why is everybody so concerned about money when it isn’t even real? Okay, sure, you might be paying hundreds of thousands of dollars for an education. And, yeah, maybe you’re only paying for said education so you can come out of college ready and able to compete for your job of choice in this fast-paced, cruel and competitive world.

You will probably also have to work your ass off nearly every day at your job, and it will make you miserable, but you’ll have to keep going like a little hamster on a wheel, because, well, you’ll need to make money. And once you make that money, you’ll spend it in approximately three seconds, and you won’t even get to spend it on fun stuff like a rubber chicken purse or fuzzy cat slippers – you’ll have to spend it on boring shit like rent, and food and electricity.

God forbid you have a partner or kids. If you do, most of your money will probably be used to support them and to make them happy –– you know what they say: there’s no “I” in “Family!” Also, don’t forget to save some money so you can maybe retire and finally relax for a small part of your life. You have to take some time to breathe, ya know? Granted, by the time you have enough money to metaphorically breathe, you’ll probably be taking your last literal breaths on this Earth.

But anyway, as I said, money isn’t real! Everything is online now. If I threw my phone into the train tracks right now, it would eventually be run over by that horrifyingly loud freight, and then I would have no way to track how much money I am earning and spending and saving. Problem solved –– out of sight out of mind.