As the number of Dickinsonian editors that have ended up in the E.R. this semester rises, so are concerns surrounding the cause. Rumors are circulating that an alleged satanic curse was placed on the paper by The Square, via an Etsy witch, and that this is the cause of three of the paper’s editors ending up in the E.R. to date, and the recent deaths of the entire editorial board.
According to reports from an anonymous source, the Square has been furious with the Dickinsonian since the tumultuous divorce between the two publications last spring. This source says that the Square was desperate to seek retribution for the major hit to their journalistic reputation post-divorce and had been investigating various methods for revenge. These included everything from filling the newsroom with 10,000 tiny rubber ducks, to stealing all print copies of the paper and using them to start a bonfire on Morgan Field.
Another anonymous source provided insight as to why the Square chose the darker route in hiring an Etsy witch to take down the Dickinsonian editorial staff. The source stated that “the Square was determined to put the Dickinsonian’s staff out of commission so that the college’s student body would be forced to only read their publication.” However, upon further investigation, the Square’s motives were discovered to be darker. They do not appear to only be going after editors, but the Editor in Chief, who was their first target.
Editor-in-Chief, Cupid Mclovin, was struck by a car earlier this semester. Initially, the cause of the accident was attributed to the driver’s negligence, however upon further investigation another theory began taking shape. Tarot cards, rose quartz and other items associated with Etsy witches were discovered at the scene. Additionally, accounts attributed to senior Square staff showed purchase receipts from prominent Etsy witches, as well as email purchase verifications. Dickinsonian staff tried to contact the Esty witch in question, however they were met with threats of continued curses and could not get a comment.
Editor RATC was one of the staff members who attempted to contact the Etsy witch in question. They found the online store’s name through email purchase confirmations that were provided from an anonymous source within the Square. Once the staff member contacted the Esty witch, their suspicions surrounding the practitioner’s responsibility for the tragic events this semester grew. The staff member was offered various spell packages ranging from good-luck charms to extreme hexes. However, when the staff member enquired specifically about the cost for cursing an entire editorial board, the Etsy witch began to get suspicious and cut contact.
The Dickinsonian editors now live in fear of crossing the street and participating in day-to-day activities, as the Square and their accomplice are still evading justice.
